The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program
Program Benefits
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program offers many benefits that the current adversarial court process does not provide. Adoption of this program to assist families with separation/divorce will result in numerous benefits that will be directly experienced by the following parties:
· The Children
· The Parents
· The Extended Families
· The Community
· The Justice System
Highest level of assurance of the child’s best interest
Most court processes, because of their adversarial approach do not promote the child’s best interest in the most effective manner. There is little to define the best interest of the child is with different courts making different decisions in the same or similar circumstances. Most court processes simply involve parents alleging how bad the other parent can be. This, unfortunately, does not mean that the parent who wins in court is the best parent. Tragically for the children, many court processes only prove which of the parents is best at vilifying the other whether such denunciation is based on fact or not. Put in another way, the best liar wins, the best parent loses. As a result many children are placed by Court Order into the care of parents who fail to understand the best interests of the child.
This program's framework protects the best interests of the child by applying a number of strategies. The program provides ongoing training and educational materials to help parents cope with separation and divorce which also increases their knowledge to act in the best interests of their children. Ongoing assistance is provided to all members of the family through their assigned team of professionals which is to include follow up with a case management strategy. Third party community involvement through Family Coordinators will help to ensure that the best interests of the children are being maintained.
Continuing support for the child’s well being
Many court ordered custody-awards, in which parents leave the court left to their own resources, are clearly failing to provide long term solutions to many family-conflicts and often create more problems and conflict. Parents are often on their best behavior up to and during the court process, but once out the court door and out of the eye of the court things begin to change. Often, those parents who have been granted sole custodial rights over the children start using their custodial status as an instrument of power against the other parent. Often, custodial parents still have the anger that they suppressed while in court, an anger which is often amplified by the court process itself, and now put the best interests of the child behind their interests to get revenge against at the other parent now that they have achieved their sweet victory.
At present, after the family walks out of the court, there is little or no follow-up after the court has made an Order. There is no protection for the child's best interests once the parents leave the courtroom. When things go wrong, litigation starts all over again. Some parents cannot afford to return to court, and children suffer as a result.
The Family Assistance And Parent Support Program offers the most effective means of ensuring that the best interests of the child are being addressed on a continuous basis after the parties have left the court. The program is child-focused with the best interests of the child placed ahead of the convenience of either of the parents. In addition, this program provides ongoing support and continued protection for the child through the involvement of members of the community supported by concerned professionals. Due to the thoroughness of the program and its continuation after the family has left the courtroom, the courts can be assured that the highest level of assurance for the protection of children will be achieved. Both parents will know that they must demonstrate to the community their best parenting skills even after they leave court in order to maintain their privileges granted them in their parenting plan. The program in effect creates an environment where both parents will strive to be the best parents they can. These positive motivators ensure the best environment for the children and over the long term promote the parenting skills of the parents.
Better adjusted, emotionally balanced and better disciplined children
Separation and divorce put children though severe emotional stress. Children who live in an environment where vindictive and controlling parents are in control or where conflict continues after the divorce, often end up continuing the cycle of violence into the next generation. Children in this type of environment fail to learn correct behavior early in life for the time when they become parents themselves. “Normal” to a person is often what they learned in home as a child.
This program will provide the highest probability that the children will be provided the optimum emotional care. With reduced parental conflict and the best interests of the child being ensured, children of divorce will be able to grow and develop without many of the negative influences arising from parental alienation, parental degradation, physical or emotional abuse, etc. etc. This will result in children who have a better chance of being emotionally balanced and with positive perspectives on how to deal with problems when they mature into adults.
Reduced child poverty
Current before and after court conflicts often cost individual families tens of thousands of dollars in legal bills. Many parents and their families are forced into bankruptcy during the adversarial court process. Financial assets that families had accumulated for the benefit of their children, are now sacrificed during needless litigation. Often children are left with no money for their future education.
This program will reduce child poverty by reducing the money spent by parents during a divorce or separation process. This will force fewer families in financial ruin, which will leave more money for the welfare of the children. Bankruptcy caused by separation or divorce will be reduced with fewer families having to fall back on welfare or other public assistance programs. Although the process of divorce or separation will still cost some money, the total amount spent using this program will be significantly lower as a result of resolving the conflict in a non-adversarial manner.
Furthermore, millions of dollars that are currently spent by the government in supporting the legal aid system and the bureaucracy associated with the adversarial system of family law can be redirected towards programs designed to help children.
Reduced emotional stress on children
Children are often put under tremendous pressure by parents and other family members to get them to side with one parent or the other. Much of this brainwashing and pressuring of the children is to get the children to side with one parent for a win in court. Sometimes pressure is applied on children out of fear of losing in court. The parent’s problems in effect become the children’s problems. Court battles and the stress that parents have to go through in family court has devastating effects on the children. Many studies have concluded that children suffer when their parents are locked in a court custody battle. In addition, custodial parents use parental alienation to get the children to turn away from the other parent. Brainwashing puts the children under enormous mental stress during a parent’s effort to get the child to hate the other parent. Vindictive parents do this to their children as they know there is a greater likelihood of getting custody in court and, using the child’s artificial dislike of the other parent, to support allegations, often false, of abuse involving the children.
The program will eliminate much of the stress on the children. Parents will not have to fight for custody as parenting of the children will be divided between the parents in the most fair and equitable manner. The program will offer children to speak openly without undue influence by either parent. In the event that parents may try to pressure the children, the assistance team will be able to take action to help correct the problem.
Reduction of parental alienation
Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) is one of the most damaging disorders that angry and vindictive parents inflict upon their children. This condition impairs a child’s emotional capacity, and is experienced throughout his/her lifetime. Often, the non-custodial parent can do little to get help for their child, because, as a non-custodial parent, he/she do not have the right to take the child for professional help. Children who are successfully alienated from their non-custodial parent lose not only the love and guidance from that parent but the love and involvement of the extended non-custodial family. Family ties are broken and a child's sense of belonging to their extended families is often lost forever.
This program will significantly reduce parental alienation. This program will have procedures in place that will address parental alienation at an early stage in an effective and non-intrusive manner. One of the key reasons for the success of this program is the fair parenting schedules that it establishes. Neither parent has an incentive to alienate the child because both parents are ensured the opportunity to have a fair and meaningful relationship with their child.
Greater and more meaningful involvement & support from extended family members
At present, many extended family members of non-custodial parents complain about the lack of time that they get to spend with the children. The “every other weekend” scenario of having children at one parent’s home does not give extended family members the chance to develop a relationship with the child as they would like. With only a weekend for the child to be with their family, normal routines that are enjoyed by most intact families, are not possible with the non-custodial parent and his/herr family. Many extended family members complain that the children are unable to see their grandchildren, their cousins, and even their brothers as a result of a vindictive and hostile spouse.
This program will offer extended family members of both families the same benefits and opportunities to share time with the children of the parents. This will include grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.
Greater cooperation with disclosure of information
Parents who feel that they have something to hide will often instruct their lawyers to conceal relevant facts such as Children’s Aid records or police records. Often this is done to conceal past conduct out of fear that the other parent will use this against them to win custody.
The program will eliminate the need to hide information because there is no permanent penalties for past conduct unless the parent continues to demonstrate poor parenting. Neither parent becomes a winner or a loser at the time of separation. The program works to help parents become better parents thus allowing them to enjoy the full benefits of the program. Both parents are given an opportunity to demonstrate their parenting ability equally and fairly without interference of the other. The program eliminates the need to hide relevant facts as the program focuses on the future of the family and not the past.
Improved parental cooperation with parenting
It is a fact that custodial parents often openly defy court orders and deliberately act in an uncooperative manner when dealing with the non-custodial parent. The custodial parent often uses the children to vent his/her anger against the other parent as they know that the court system and the police cannot effectively handle access denial. Often custodial parents realize that they can make the non-custodial parent go to great expense to bring to the attention of the court, behavior that is not in the best interests of the child.
This program will significantly, if not almost totally eliminate, uncooperative behaviour by one or both parents in conflict situations. This program treats both parents fairly and equally and provides penalties for those parents who don't co-operate in the best interests of the children. With parents given the opportunity of true equality, neither parent can argue that they are not being treated fairly. Neither parent will be made to feel that the other side has won. In addition, both parties now have something that they both value very much and that is their fair share of parenting time with their child. Both parents will not want to lose this privilege and as a result will strive to ensure that they do not do anything to lose their joint custody status as a parent. Both parents, knowing that they could lose their parenting status with full decision making being transferred to the other party, will therefore co-operate in a more positive manner to protect their interests. By making both parents "equal opportunity partners" in their child's life, there will be a greater chance of co-operative behavior.
More equitable and balanced parenting
Where normal parent – child relationships exist before the break-up of a marriage, children in almost all cases desire to maintain the same healthy relationship with both of their parents. Research indicates that children suffer emotionally when parental bonds are damaged by divorce or separation. Most court ordered custody arrangements do not work towards balanced parenting time as children need and want but work against it. This often results in continued conflicts for many years after leaving court.
This program promotes the most fair and equal parenting
arrangements as possible. Parenting experts agree that unbalanced and unfair
parenting time between parents is one of the significant causes of conflict
between parents and their families. This
program achieves the most beneficial parenting arrangement for the child that is
possible.
Reduced Juvenile Crime Rate
Statistics show that there is a direct link between the incidence of crime and the behavior problems associated with children raised in single parent homes. This can be worsened in homes where custodial parents utilize uncooperative and hostile parenting techniques. The adversarial system of separation or divorce is frustrating to children as it often economically disadvantages their entire family. Often children from once comfortable homes, see their parents unable to afford what the other parents get their children. This frustration makes them express their anger in various ways, usually to the detriment of their families and community. As children get older they often begin to exhibit some of the same techniques that their custodial parent used while they were growing. Sometimes these children become disrespectful of the law and manipulate their parents in order to get the most freedom and to get their own way.
This program will eliminate many of the underlying economic and psychological factors that contribute to juvenile crime. Although the affects of this program will not be directly observable by factors such as the crime rate, most child care experts agree that an environment free of conflict, where parents are working in a harmonious manner and where neither parent has been unfairly disadvantages, will result in emotionally balanced children which should indirectly result in a reduced rate of crime with youth. This program will also address the problem of teenagers trying to manipulate their parents as there is no incentive to either parent to alter parenting arrangements.
Improved respect from children for their community and other social support systems
It is generally acknowledged by many that children learn much of their behavior and attitudes by observing how others (especially their parents) behave and the consequences that others face as a result of their decisions and actions. During separation and divorce, many children observe one or both of their parents behave in a hostile and controlling manner, yet, see little help arrive to restore fairness between the parties. When children see resources in the community fail to restore fairness and justice, and in some cases intensify conflict through an adversarial system, then these children end up losing much of their respect for those agencies as well as other forms of authority in the community. These children who see the system fail their family are often the ones who grow up distrustful of authorities such as teachers, police and the community in general. These children have learned, by observing the failure of the system to impose fairness and justice in their own family, that you don’t get what you want by being fair and reasonable with others, but that you get what you want be being vindictive and controlling and using the system against another parent. This attitude will be with them as they enter adulthood and will negatively affect their relationships with others throughout their lifetime.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will help children of separation and divorce develop a healthy respect for their community and its various support agencies. By having the community take steps through the program to help ensure that parents treat each other with fairness and respect and that there will be consequences if they do not, the children learn the basic principles that bad parenting practices will not be tolerated. The children learn that there are consequences for bad parenting and rewards for good parenting. When children observe that the community is coming to the assistance of their family and helping to restore fairness, they will grow up with respect for those agencies that provided help for their family when it was needed. This will reflect positively on their whole outlook about their community and their own role within it.
Reduction in murders and serious physical assaults associated with separation – divorce – custody and access
Every year children and adults are murdered in North America directly as a result of the conflict relating to separation and divorce. Some parents have even murdered their own children in order to extract revenge against their former spouse. In some cases, killing children was done by a spouse who realized that the other spouse was alienating the children from them. Parents have been caught planning to murder their former spouses and in many of these cases, they have been caught hiring hit persons to carry out the job.
Although no program can eliminate the possibility of murders or attempted murders, it will reduce the number to some extent. The program instills fairness, justice and equality between parents and in the vast majority of cases this will help to ensure that no parent feels that they have to take the law into their own hands because their children and their homes have been taken away from them.
Reduction in Access Denial Problems
Currently, there is an ever-growing problem with access/parenting-time denial by sole custodial parents. Custodial parents will impede a child’s parenting time knowing that it is almost impossible for a non-custodial parent to overcome the hurdles. Using police to solve access denial problems is ineffective and intrusive. In many cases police involvement is requested so that one parent can use police reports and police evidence to support their case later in court. This usually leads to a tremendous waste of resources and in addition puts both the parents and children through great emotional conflict.
This program will significantly reduce problems with access/parenting-time denial. The program employs procedures to deal with the problem in an effective manner and with minimal involvement of the police or government agencies. Persons specially trained to handle access denial problems will assist the parent experiencing difficulty in the most non-adversarial manner possible. The parent experiencing difficulty with access will be reassured that procedures are in place to deal with the problem.
Reduced Judicial Liability
At present many court ordered solutions for custody and access disputes are clearly not working to the best interests of both the children and parents. Children are often mistakenly put in situations that, after much time and money having been spent by the courts, which clearly are not to the best interests of the children. Sometime this mistake results in tragedy for the child. Mistakes by the court occur because often the court does not have the time to review or comprehend the full extent of the details of a particular case within the limited amount of time that is made available. This is resulting in a loss of public faith in the family court process.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will allow the complicated process of dealing with a family in conflict to be passed efficiently from the hands of the court into the hands of the community, where it will be dealt with by the community in a timely, effective and cost effective manner.
Increased public support & respect for family justice system
At present, there is growing unrest from the public about the state of the family court system. Groups, parents, grandparents & children's advocates are springing up in different parts of the country. This is the direct result of the fact that a significant portion of separation and divorce cases have long-term conflict resulting in severe emotional and financial impact on both parties and their families. Within the present system the parent that “wins” custody, does to varying degrees suffer losses in other ways. Parties who win find that often they have driven the other side so far into debt that the other parent cannot pay for the support that was ordered. These groups are growing and in turn being supported by a growing number of friends and their families who have been affected in a negative manner by the current state of affairs in the court system. The public is becoming aware to a larger degree than ever before of the injustices against non-custodial parents and the lose/lose result in court. The public at large believes that awarding custody of children to one parent, when both parents are capable parents, is unjust to the children, their parents and their extended families. The public is losing faith in the family court justice system to bring forth justice for our little ones.
This program will result in increased public support of the judiciary as it deals with family conflict effectively and is based on a concept of fairness and equality, concepts that all reasonable and fair-minded members of the Canadian general public support. Most parents, when surveyed, state that children need both parents especially after separation and divorce and that shared custody is the fairest arrangement to both children and their families. This program provides the community with what they feel is fair to both parents and to all affected.
Open process and increased accountability
At the present time, many parents, their families, and members of the public have come to distrust the existing agencies such as: police; Children’s Aid Societies; social workers; and judges. There is a public perception that there is a lack of accountability within these existing organizations and that those employed within these organizations will not be held accountable for their actions. Part of the distrust stems from the fact that records are hard to obtain and make public, even when requested by the parties involved. Parents often have to go to court at great expense just to get release of information from such organizations such as the police and Children's Aid. Confidentiality is used to keep information from being reviewed. Public respect for the family-court justice system is currently at an all time low.
This program ushers in heightened accountability at all levels. The program is open for scrutiny by the parties involved as well members of the public. Unlike agencies such as Children’s Aid Societies and police forces, where obtaining records is difficult, records will be readily available at all reasonable times in an open manner to all parties involved in the conflict who may require this information. This will reduce conflict and suspicion by both participants and members of the public alike and help speed up the process of resolving the conflict. Because the process is open, there will be individual accountability by those working within the program which will promote that workers involved in the program are very diligent when carrying our their responsibilities.
Reduced Professional Legal Liability
Currently, lawsuits are becoming more common as people take professionals to court for errors in reports or their conduct. Some of this is happening because professionals are sometimes pressured into making reports favourable to those who referred clients to them. Sometimes a professional, rather than being truly objective in their reporting, rely on information from lawyers or others. As a result of this, mistakes are being made and children are put in situations that prove later on not to be in their best interests.
Because the Family Assistance and Parent Support Program involves a number of people working as a team, the decision-making is put in the hands of a larger group of people from the community. Chances of error are greatly reduced. Professionals involved in the program will be able to make better, more informed, decisions as a result of better information coming to them. They will also be able to issue reports that they know have met the scrutiny of the community as well. Even persons who may wish to start a legal claim will be less likely to do so when they know that the professionals involved have the support of the community behind them.
Reduction in use of false allegations
It is common knowledge in the legal community as well as the general public that false allegations are routinely being used in court. False allegations in court by one party against the other party is one of most widely used forms of destructive strategy used to get awarded custody of the children (Power) and to get child support payments (Financial Gain). False allegations often make up a significant portion of the first part of most affidavits to the court. What is most tragic is that often, false allegations play a large factor in a judge’s ruling, with neither justice being served, nor the best interests of the children being addressed.
The adoption of the Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will significantly reduce the use of false allegations in custody and parenting disputes. This program includes the use of family-conflict resolution workers who have been trained in procedures relating to allegations and to check allegations before matters go to court. The conflict resolution workers take an active role to investigate allegations promptly using effective procedures with safety checks and balances that are built into the program. The use of a third party during the process of assisting the family will act as a deterrent to those who may consider making false allegations against the other parent. Both parents will understand that all allegations will be investigated promptly and effectively by a trained third party.
Reduced involvement and abuse of police services
At the present time, significant police resources are being wasted on custody and access issues. Police are often called out when parents are having difficulty with access and often the police will refuse to get involved in any meaningful way. Often parents call police in order to use the police to build evidence to use in court against the other party. Significant police time is wasted responding to calls and having officers attend court and fill out reports.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will reduce the level of police involvement in domestic disputes. The program has procedures in place that will eliminate the need for parents to call the police in a vast majority of cases. The program provides third party witnesses to verify and to provide evidence to the courts without police involvement. In most instances police services will not be required at all. The only time that police forces will be called will be in situations where violence or use of weapons may be a factor.
Reliable information to assist the Court
Currently there is little help available to a parent to assist them in getting information to the court at a reasonable cost and in a timely fashion. Police are hesitant to deal with access problems or minor problems between parties. As a result Police will not respond unless physical danger is present. Social workers and other professionals as well have busy schedules and are often not available when help is needed. Generally police and other professionals do not want to get involved in the day-to-day conflicts because of the great waste of time. Parents, knowing how difficult it is for the other parent to get help to validate what is happening, often can rattle the other parent’s “chain”, knowing well there is no one to provide witness to what they are doing.
This program addresses this problem by assigning community based family assistance specialists, who are available upon fairly short notice. Back up persons are always available should some family assistance people not be unavailable. Help is generally available as needed to the parents.
Reduction Of Child Abductions
Child abductions, although not at a crisis level, do in fact happen with regular frequency and make headlines in the news from time to time. Abductions are primarily motivated by desperation. Often, the abductor sees abduction as the only way to win the conflict and get what they feel is justice. Abductors have no confidence in the court system, and, as a result, take matters into their own hands.
This program will significantly reduce child abductions as both parents will have the knowledge that they will be allowed fair parenting time with the children without having to spend their financial resources. With fairness comes acceptance of the facts and a greater willingness to work towards the best interests of the children.
Savings to Legal Aid Programs
Significant funds are being spent by legal aid in unnecessary by contested custody battles. The financial resources of Legal Aid are stretched to the limit with many low income earners being denied its use. Free money from Legal Aid also serves as an incentive for people to litigate. This in the end is paid for by the taxpayers of the community. Often legal aid is an incentive for one party to litigate as the party receiving legal aid knows that it will cost him/her nothing, no matter what the expense to the public purse will be, or to the other parent.
This program will significantly reduce legal aid costs as court litigation will be greatly reduced with many cases requiring no litigation. As fair parenting arrangements will be implemented under the program, custody will no longer be an issue to be contested in a vast majority of cases. There will be little incentive for one party in an action to use the legal aid system, as there will be nothing to gain above what would be considered a fair and just settlement between parties.
Reduction In Use Of Court System
At present, family courts are overburdened with cases at great expense to the taxpayers. Cases are dragging on too long and issues are not being effectively addressed by the courts. Many judges and even lawyers consider family law one area of the law that they wish they were not involved in.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will drastically cut down on the use of the court system. Many of the problems that bring people to court in the first place will be addressed with this program through third party community involvement during the program period. Use of false allegations will be significantly curtailed, accurate and detailed information will be available to the courts, together with well-documented reports and recommendations, which will make the use of courts time minimal. Most of the work will be done outside of the courtroom using legal and family care professionals in a non-adversarial environment.
At present, there are significant problems with the family support collection system. Amid criticism from the public, government run collection agencies from across the country are in a crisis. Many parents are opting out of collection plans because of the problems. Workers at the Family Plan office themselves admit that the system is in a mess. Parents who are more then willing to pay their payments voluntarily to the other parent are being told that they cannot do this and are being forced to have their payments made through the family support plan. Even when both parties want to pay their financial affairs direct, they are being forced to go through the paperwork of signing up and then go through the paperwork and hassle of having to opt out. This is getting people upset and creating a paper monster that is costing taxpayers millions of dollars.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program, will drastically reduce the problems associated with child support and collection. It is based on the concept that both parents are in a win-win situation. For those parents who share parenting time on a true 50/50 basis contributions to support of the children will reflect only the difference in incomes. Under the program, both parties will contribute in a fair manner relating to their incomes. With a joint custody, shared parenting program contribution to the children is fair and equitable. Because parents are contributing to the support of the child in an open and equitable manner, accounting will be simplified and allegations of false financial statements greatly reduced.
Significant Saving to Taxpayers
Presently, hundreds of millions of dollars of tax money is being paid directly and indirectly in the form of legal aid, social services, police, child support collection, etc. for services relating to family-conflicts. These financial resources are being expended with little benefit to the community. This bandaid approach of dealing with the problem without curing the causes of the problems, only results in higher taxes and an ever greater bureaucracy. Financial resources spent on an enforcement bureaucracy, but not on preventive programs and services, only increases tax burdens, with little, if any, benefit to the community. In most cases this approach increases the financial liability to the community and creates further problems for the community at more expense.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will result in significant savings to the taxpayers. Application of the program will result in fewer cases going to court and will reduce conflict within families. There will be less demand on court facilities, legal aid services and other court related costs. There will be less red tape and bureaucracy. With less conflict and less litigation there will be reduced police intervention and involvement. Nation-wide, the program could result in savings of hundreds of millions if not billions of dollars.
Reduced Involvement of Schools in Parental Conflict
Unfortunately, many hostile parents try to turn the schools into an extension of their battleground against the other parent, which in most situations puts school officials in a difficult situation. Parents will mislead educators with misleading information in a deliberate attempt to turn the school against the other parent. School officials often are mistakenly led by one parent into taking sides in a dispute which, in turn, only creates problems between the parents and the school. Sometimes this even puts the school in a position of legal liability where a parent may be able to sue the school board for failure to be treated equally.
The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program will help reduce the involvement of teachers and school officials in the area of parental conflicts and help keep schools and their officials from being “caught in the middle”. The use of Family Coordinators, a key component of the program, can provide direct and immediate relief to school officials when dealing with the conflict between parents. The program will keep parental conflict kept out of the schools thus freeing educators to focus their energies on their responsibilities at school rather than having their time diverted to deal with parents in conflict.
Sept 13, 2000
This page is reprinted from "The Family Assistance and Parent Support Program" manual published by Family Conflict Resolution Services. For the latest version of the program manual contact the authors